HorrorScopes

by Stephen Yam and Pals

May 22 to June 21
The best fun you will have this month is when you drop your needle in the hay while frolicking with your partner in your Mormon mother-in-law's barn.

June 22 to July 23
After a big night don't be alarmed by your reflection on Saturday morning. When you sober up, you'll realise that you have been staring at your BG monitor.

July 24 to Aug 23
When you are stuck with a creep which you wish to get rid of at a party, just bore him with GME, PMS, BSL, BGM, HbA1c, SCR, DAV, DAQ yada yada yada.

Aug 24 to Sep 23
The changing moon enters the season of Pappadams and your life will get spicier than Geri.

Sep 24 to Oct 23
Beware at your mid-year exams, as the examiner will confiscate your funny looking calculator that goes "beep". (A letter from your doc in the back pocket saves the day.)

Oct 24 to Nov 22
You may be tempted to punch a non-diabetic. Count to 10. And consult Punching Non-Diabetics for how to do it properly.

Nov 23 to Dec 22
Romantic intrigue is possible as the tender Moon activates mysterious Pluto today; you may even find that you have a secret admirer amonst your plants.

Dec 23 to Jan 20
When you get frustrated throw needles at the dartboard instead.

Jan 21 to Feb 19
When you head off on a bicycle trip date with your new spunky boyfriend and he asks that you bring your pump as his is broken it's not THE pump.

Feb 20 to Mar 20
Remember to sign your bank cheques with the correct pen as error of judgement will frighten your bank manager into giving you a fat cheque and an 000 call.

Mar 21 to Apr 20
Your lucky readings today are 10.2, 3.7 and 15.8.

Apr 21 to May 21
Remember to clean out your handbag so that when you are scrounging for some change at the check out of your local 7-11, needles do not fall to the ground all around you. Smile, you're on candid camera!